When you're far away...

Yesterday was my dad's birthday. He is old. Old in the sense that he was a small child when Hitler invaded Poland. He also lives in England. Far far away.

I am his youngest. By many years. I am also the only child he and my mother share. His other children have little to do with me. But that is OK.
Coming from a different time and a different place, my dad would have told you quietly that little girls are to be seen and not heard... I was NEVER one of these girls.
We had tense times. He would embarrass me and I would secretly want to crawl under a rock and die at times. He would get so angry with me over getting into trouble at school or not practicing my music.
But I remember this one time I got really sick. He went to the shops and bought me girlie toys to play with in bed and a tiny black and white TV that my mother refused to let me watch. not good for the eyes apparently.
They seperated just after my 16th birthday and I still remember putting him on the plan back to England. He'd tried to pack so much into his suitcase. I was so sad.
I didn't see him again for 4 years. He'd flown over to visit my sister and I had no idea he was even here till she called. He suddenly aged right in front of my eyes. Less hair and more white in his beard.
He booked me a ticket over and I was able to go and visit and then soon after I was able to go and live in England. It was the first chance we had to become father and daughter. I was able to establish my strong independent self and he was able to accept that his little girl was now a young woman who had grown up without him. We even got to spend Christmas together!
So, I call my dad for his 79th birthday... The usual conversation. "Did you get my email?" "How's uni going?" "Lovely of you to call!"
It would be fair for you to assume that my dear old dad has no idea how to talk to his youngest daughter despite the wonderful progress we made while I was over there. I get off the phone and the tears flow down my face.
Modern day telecommunications technology can make someone sound as if they are "Just in the next room!" as my Aunty exclaims when ever I call her in Wales... The one thing it can not do is close the physical space between a parent and child. Between two lovers. Between siblings.
When you're far away I feel a space inside that can not be filled. I forget about it sometimes and for a time it feels as if it's not there. Then I remember... I miss you.
x Red